Identity Thoughts...
I think a lot about sexuality and gender identity as someone who is queer and in a country that doesnt really accept trans people, and these thoughts are often amplified by the arrival of pride month. When I was younger and just figuring myself out, I tried out all kinds of labels, lesbian, bi, omni, ace, trans, genderfluid, demi-boy, nonbinary, almost every well-known label, I have been. I found that none of them really fit, like it wasnt explaining my experience with my attraction or gender enough, so I sought after more niche labels, hoping that they would fit too, but to no avail. In 2020, during lockdown, there was definitely a rise in people exploring their sexuality and gender, experimenting with labels, creating new ones, creating and reviving codes and secret language to identify other queer people, and in my opinion, that was a great time for the lgbt community. Little judgement, freedom of self expression, even if it was "cringy" or just a bunch of kids having fun, I dont think it mattered, because it brought people together and helped some work out their true selves, and that to me, is beautiful. Nowadays, there is a rise in homophobia and transphobia which I have noticed across the world, especially in social media, and it is very disheartening. We are losing the strange, niche labels and the closeness of community we once had back then, but not only that. I find there is not only a rejection of niche labels, but also a rejection of the fluidity of self. I, myself, do not use labels in such a rigid way - I have changed and I always will change - but to a lot of people, to put me and other like me in a little box is appealing to them. The outside world wishes to understand people in just a few words, forgetting that we are much more than what a few words can describe. There is nothing wrong with wanting to label yourself, of course, same way there is nothing wrong with not labelling yourself, or using labels loosely.
I think if I really had to label my gender, I would be some kind of genderfluid, but I am far too content with simply being "queer" or unlabeled. I tell people I am nonbinary and let it mean whatever they think it means. I am beyond any kind of basic perception of myself from another's eyes. I also have a complicated view of my sexuality, and both me and my boyfriend have kind of rejected labels for the most part because of our complex views. To me, as long as you are comfortable with yourself and your partner, it shouldn't matter what label you use for the most part
I'm back from holiday! I went to this cozy little cottage in a not-so-cozy town (it was raining so bad I thought we had Noah's Arc pt.2). Me and my boyfriend had a great time together nearly drowning for a glorious fish and chips and very needed hot chocolate, but now we are back and back to business. I have had many creative ideas while away and I have been mulling over how to execute them effectively, but I fear I may have too many ideas to complete before college starts again. I hope I can begin showing some of the finsihed (or most likely half finished) products in due time, which may include a short story, more poetry, some clay sculptures, and maybe even a short film or animation if I can work out how to make one. My OCs Florence and Ruth have been tormenting me and thus, I will torment them in retaliation.
Not to mention my other OCs for a super secret project...
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I am currently trying to rework some of these pages so everything kind of looks all over the place and half complete (because it is). Right now, my main focus is the front page (which im kind of procrastinating because its tricky), the creative corner's poems and artwork, and hopefully the bookshelf's music section too. I really hope I can get these done soon but also I'm in a flare up so (,,╥﹏╥,). Anyway, I definitely want to add more to this site, so if you have any suggestions, dear reader, I'll be open to almost anything
I would really like this website to become more creepy-ish. I like the contrast between the cutesy, colourful aesthetic and the kind of visuals and writing that makes you feel kind of disturbed. Not that I want this to become some kind of "omg I'm so edgy lol" kind of thing, but this has always in my mind been a way for me to express every part of myself, the whimsical and the concerning. I internalise things a lot, and this is my escape, my sanctuary. I will find a way to incorporate these elements into my design, especially when it comes to my poetry section (which is still a massive work in progress). I would be kind of weird to have my cannibalism poems surrounded with pink sparkles.
Im getting really into psychological horrors lately, its good inspiration for my art.
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